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The value of AR

Thinking some more on the role that AR plays in the project, I do not think that this project is about AR. Because AR is a how, not a why. But given that i am advocating that the project more heavily embrace AR, i need to name that AR fits well the place i find myself on this journey. Maybe others of us are at different stages. I can only speak to my experience, trusting that to some extent my experience is, or is not, representative of humanities growing edges. I am one of us, we are all different and we are all the same.

From that context, I would like to share a series of comments on why AR feels timely, what is AR anyway, and what role it might play, in both the short and long terms. In doing so i would love to hear each of us speak to what you imagine helping us on our journey.

Firstly, where does AR fit in the bigger picture? If we accept that the project has a consciousness development agenda, and a belief in the value of mutual support for that growth, then I think that certain tools will work for certain stages in our journey. I see the more structured AR as being great for working with and patching up early developmental stage relating deficits. Dyadic work being an analog for the infant caregiver bonding process. At this level, the more structured embodiment modalities like dances of universal peace, massage, open floor, and qigong will also serve us. At this layer there is a strong container, and it has hand rails and rules.

I see another stage where we graduate from AR into circling. This takes the skills we learned in AR, and further develops the practice in a significantly less structured environment. At this level embodiment modalities like contact improv, and mindfulness mediation would seem to serve this layer. At this layer, there is a still a container but with far less rules and structures.

What is AR

Before we go much further lets attempt to find a definition of AR.

ART International's definition. https://authenticrelating.co/what-is-ar/

This reasonably verbose description is more a list of benefits. I would say that neither the idea of practice, nor it's methodology are explicitly stated. Its paraphrased key points:

• It's about creating space to allow people to be deeply seen and accepted.
• It provides social support, teaches communication and conflict skills
• It offers inner development, embodiment and emerging wholeness
• It fosters authentic self-expression and secure attachment

Here is Authentic Revolution's definition: https://www.authrev.org/about

"Authentic Relating (AR) is the practice of freely expressing your true experience in the company of others."

And here is Ar-go's definition. https://www.ar-go.live/faq

"Authentic Relating is a practice of sharing more of ourselves in our relationships with the intention of greater connection and being more whole."

These both seem like Susan Campbell-esque frames. It leans into speaking out my truth, of radical honesty. Newer traditions seem to recognise that this is only one half of an equation, the other half being the more relational piece, being about holding space for listening and co-regulation.

The Relateful Company's definition is https://www.relateful.com/relatefulness

"Relatefulness is a set of practices aiming at truth and love. People come together and relate, mindfully. We talk about what's present in us, and between us. And we let that change us."

I like that it brings in the idea of practice, but note that again the word listen is absent.

Sengstock et al (going right back to the roots) has a definition https://circlinginstitute.com/what-is-original-circling-approach/

"Circling is the facilitation, training and/or coaching of a communication system based on authenticity, deep empathic listening and meditative presence."

I quite like the second half of this definition. They go into this more: https://internationalcirclingfederation.org/the-circling-institute/

"

• Honoring each others dignity/confidentiality
• Communication, owning your experience and relating or speaking with the intention of relating as opposed to controlling, managing, giving advice, fixing, etc
• Listening, practicing deep listening such that you are willing to be changed by the experience, listening for each other's humanity & the positive intent to fulfill needs underlying every way of being"

So knowing the way that large language AI models are trained, ie from the totality of the thing we call the internet. Lets get it to write a definition:

Version 1:

"Authentic Relating refers to a way of interacting and connecting with others that emphasizes being fully present, vulnerable, and true to one's genuine feelings, thoughts and experiences. It involves engaging in relationships and communication with authenticity - expressing oneself openly and honestly rather than conforming to expectations or hiding behind roles or personas. The goal of Authentic Relating is to cultivate deeper human understanding, intimacy and meaningful bonds by allowing people to reveal their authentic selves openly and accept others as they truly are, without pretense or judgment. It challenges inauthentic social masking and fosters an appreciation for radically honest self-disclosure and listening."

So we can note that its emphasis on authenticity, reflects the current published writing on the matter. We also note that it doesnt say WHAT it is, or speak to its methods.

Lets ask it to speak more to methods:

Version 2:

"Authentic Relating involves practices and methods such as:

• Exercises and games to drop social masks/personas and be vulnerable
• Structured dyadic sharing to deeply witness and be witnessed
• Circling/group processes for honest expression without filtered
• Somatic awareness and embodiment practices to get present
• Nonviolent communication training for empathic relating
• Boundary and consent practices for building trust
• Scaffolded intimacy escalators from strangers to intimates
• Inquiry and shadow work to uncover unconscious patterns
• Contemplation and meditation for self-study

The way it seems to work is by creating contrived environments and relational containers that make space for people to:

• Slow down and be hyper-present
• Shed typical socialized behavior
• Explore new ways of authentically connecting
• Get radically honest and intimate with self and others
• Practice new interpersonal skills and ways of being"

So one way to understand AR, is that it has two meanings; A) a way of relating, B) a set of practices to help you learn to do (a).

Lets ask it to incorporate both meanings in its definition:

Version 3:

"

1. A philosophical approach or intentional way of relating to self and others. This involves:

• Being radically authentic, honest and vulnerable in expressing your inner experience
• Actively making space to receive, witness and honor the other person's authentic experience
• Interacting from a place of presence, without social masks/scripts
• Allowing all parts of your multifaceted self to be seen and accepted

2. A collection of specific practices, exercises and facilitated experiences. This includes things like:

• Structured sharing/witnessing dyads
• Group circling for honest expression
• Somatic practices for embodiment
• Intimacy escalators from strangers to intimates
• Shadow work and inquiry processes
• Conscious communication training"

In my world, that's starting to look closer to a working definition. The next installment will be a history of the movement.