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Trauma Informed AR
People show up to practice groups, I assume, because they are wanting to develop their ability and trust in a more authentic, vulnerable, attuned way of relating. But, what if they also bring along some degree of trauma associated with the last significant time they tried to do this, ie. their family of origin?
Right now, being trauma informed seems to call facilitators to create spaces that feel safe and that are not retraumatizing. Poking old wounds means not only have we done harm, but that folk don't come back.
The question is what does that mean for facilitators, in practice?
This year I had a rather illuminating experience during a session, where the instruction was to go around the room of 25 people, and say what you were checking in with. While somewhat common a group process, this particular time i was rather sharply taken back to my time in a hospital nursery, in one of 25 clear plastic tubs, and seeing in that zoom gallery view, all those other tubs looking back at me. Feeling very very alone and lost. With my most important needs withheld.
To this day i have never looked at a zoom gallery view in quite the same light again!
Because the instruction was to call the next speaker once you had spoken, as i waited my turn, not knowing when it would come, i had this sense of being that baby, waiting for what seemed like an eternity, for my brief moment of attention. And that moment not being nearly enough. The other strange, and probably also dysregulated, faces staring back, giving no clue as to whether they noticed or cared. To make this all even worse, would I be called soon, or would i end being called last, or worse forgotten?
Whoever would have thought that so simple and common a process used by facilitators, could be so traumatic?
So, in our attempts to rebuild connection, what to do? Well, conventional thinking across other trauma informed domains, is to dial up the element of choice, use invitational language, and to create a strong base of predictability.
Of course there are some really nice elements of trauma informed work already present in AR, such as staying with sensation, noticing whats going on in my body, showing up as you are, connecting to self etc.
As this isn't a highly studied area, here are a few thoughts that occurred to me this year.
1. Invitational language. eg. "If it feels good to you, you might like to close your eyes". BTW for some, closing their eyes is a profoundly scary place.
2. Enhancing choice. For instance, making it clear everything is optional. Making pathways for people to skip certain exercises. Provide alternative sentence stems.
3. Prioritize pair work. Pair work is the practice environment singularly most optimized for reciprocity, and being seen. Over emphasizing group time is a mistake more extroverted facilitators sometimes make. Introduce circling like processes only after the group has gained a level of mastery with pair work.
4. Reduce facilitator talking time. Its more common than it needs to be that groups will not get to do breakout work until 40 minutes past the hour. That's 40mins where participants have to sit still and listen, and for many that violates a fragile nervous system's longing and hunger for reciprocity and positive regard.
5. Dial up appreciation. Many folk with trauma have criticism detectors cranked up the max. They often see it where it doesn't even exist. The way around this is to crank up statements of appreciation. Decker Cunov was said to be able to appreciate something even in the most challenging moments, and that idea has long been a beacon for my practice work.
6. Shadow work needs strong context. This idea tells us that we must avoid throwing groups straight into exercises with themes or stems that lean toward, or even hint at, shadow work. Its super important to first create a container and get explicit permission to do shadow work. And shadow work can sneak in, in surprising ways. Here's a couple of innocent sounding enough examples seen in field. "A way i don't show up is...", "Something i want more of in my life is...". Over the years I have seen many many people exhibit a shock reaction to the idea of needs, perhaps having had their wants beaten out of them at some point in the past.
7. Slow it down. Reactivity is fast. Regulating is slow. Speak slower, use less words and more pauses. Invite body movement, my favorite facilitators all remind me to stretch several times throughout sessions. Incorporate nonverbals into breakout work. Also as a facilitator, remember your nonverbals, speak a ton more than your words do. Get supervision on any flat tone of voice, or flat facial expressions. Folks with deeper trauma find both threatening.
8. Predictability. Have parts of the session the same each week, eg C2S, stems, times, harvest. Depart from that home base carefully. Start and end on time. Set clear context for the session, ideally in advance.
That feels complete. Lets be sensitive and inclusive out there, hey.
Image credit: deviantart.com/arbre
Note that views expressed in blogs do not necessarity reflect the views of the Project. They are the blog authors version of truth.
