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After an intense year and a half of immersion in 4 different AR practice communities, I decided to take a break for a bit. To try to get some perspective, to sift the good from the less good. To figure out how I was bending AR in a way that it was never meant to bend.

AR has this tendency, i think, to mess with your head. I remember the day that AR appeared proper in my awareness. The following exchange occurred with a fellow participant:

If you have been following my rambles, you'll know that what it is to be a half baked mammal with a large prefrontal cortex, fascinates me. Particularly so over this summer's recess, where i have been spending unusually large amounts of time alone in nature. Meditating on this "problem child".

The result? I came to a sort of working conclusion that much of what we call belonging, and yes connection, is just an attempt to protect ourselves from a vestigial fear of the wolves. The dark. Particularly vexing is the utter disregard we humans routinely demonstrate towards those not in our in-group. This can show up in AR, as we attend practice in search of that exact same in-group, friend, date, whatever. Of course this is 99% unconscious, but the phenomenon became increasingly easy to notice in my own body, as my frustration grew around a misalignment in the community regarding best practice AR.

There's two important things I want to note in this write up.

1. Lets be clear about why we practice

The project names two explicit purposes: practice and belonging. This is a calling to all in this movement to reflect on our why of practice. Am I showing up to truly build relational capacity, or is it to subliminally find a partner or friend. Of course there's nothing intrinsically wrong with the latter, after all, the evidence tells us that our health and well-being benefits from the presence of family and community.

However, if we are not careful, this agenda, being such a strong biological drive, could start to shape our practice lives. One of the first signs to watch out for, of this showing up, is impatience with or the avoidance of difficult conversations. A conversation doesn't immediately flow? Click. Next. Move on. Find somebody else. But what do we miss by doing that? A lens into the fabric of our pain/trauma body? Opportunities to learn and grow? To build a fuller or more universal relational capacity? A relationality untethered to in-group.

2. In the first instance its super hard to see the value proposition of AR

Humans are drawn to good things and repelled from bad things in a pretty predictable manner. Handsome bodies, sweet fatty food, money found laying on the path, etc etc. So the question becomes, does AR put a roof over my head? No. Does it offer an economic livelihood? No. Does it offer an off-line community? Not really. In fact it offers nothing of tangible value at all. At least not to the mind conditioned by biology and our modern value system.

Knowing this makes it easier to understand why people don't immediately 'get' AR. The whats-in-for-me value equation, has no clear boxes to tick when viewed through the lens of convention. Combined with the near complete absence of media and research platforms where the AR industry can shine in the light of day, the movement is to all intents and purposes invisible. Its both invisible to see and invisible to be seen. This is a indeed a challenge. Right now I don't have any solutions. Sorry, I'm just naming it.

On the upside, it makes those of you who show up to practice all the more worth celebrating and appreciating. Practice is, after all, the only way to understand AR.

Image credit: twinkl.com